


55 minutes

by thekardemomme



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Car Accidents, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Internal Conflict, M/M, Minor Injuries, Soulmates, true love!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 16:19:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13368510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekardemomme/pseuds/thekardemomme
Summary: It’s all Even’s been able to think about for the past week and a half. Before that, he was able to internalize it, to pretend it wasn’t happening, that it was all fake. But as the clock ticked further and further down, it sped up, and every passing second felt like another knife into his heart.or; the au where everyone has an invisible clock above their heads that counts to their death, others can see it but they can’t





	55 minutes

**Author's Note:**

> im,, sorry for this
> 
> this is literally just angst with no reprieve read at your own risk

It’s all Even’s been able to think about for the past week and a half. Before that, he was able to internalize it, to pretend it wasn’t happening, that it was all fake. But as the clock ticked further and further down, it sped up, and every passing second felt like another knife into his heart. The night before, he couldn’t sleep, and the morning of, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get out of bed.

Isak did. Right on time, at 7:15am. His alarm went off and he rolled out of bed and went to brush his teeth, and Even thought about how that’d be the last time he’d ever hear Isak brush his teeth, and he started to cry. He didn’t mean to. He didn’t want today to seem like anything other than a normal day. He wanted Isak to be calm, and okay, and not to have any suspicions that something was going on. It would make today easier for Isak. It was hard enough for Even to know he was going to lose the love of his life, he didn’t want Isak to know that too.

After a few minutes, Isak walked back into the room and climbed back into bed. Even felt the covers lift and the mattress dip as Isak scooted himself closer, plastering himself against Even’s back, pressing comforting kisses to Even’s neck. For a moment, Even wondered if he knew, if the ticking time bomb above his head had somehow made itself visible.

“Is it one of those days, baby?” Isak asks, voice hushed and still rough from sleep. Even tries to savor it, to make it permanent in his memory. He doesn’t know how he’ll live without it.

“Yeah,” Even chokes out, “just one of those days.” He tugs the blanket tighter up to his chin, and Isak’s arms go tighter around his waist. Even tries to get himself together but fails, sobbing into the pillow case until his head is pounding and he can’t cry anymore.

“Do you want me to stay home today?” Isak asks, smoothing a hand over Even’s back.

On any normal day, Even would say yes. But today, things are different, and maybe if he says no, Isak will live. “No,” he whispers, swiping at his eyes and forcing himself to sit up. The clock on the wall reads 7:37am. The clock above Isak’s head reads 0 Years, 0 Months, 0 Days, 0 Hours, 55 Minutes, 23 Seconds. They have less than an hour together. It takes everything within Even not to burst out crying again. Instead, he says, “You should get dressed, before you’re late.”

Isak glances at the clock and swears, jumping up to get dressed. “There’s no way I’ll make the tram on time,” he sighs. “Can you drive me?” He glances at Even whilst pulling his jeans are, wiggling his hips to pull them up because they’re just the slightest bit too tight. If this was a normal day, Even would make a sexual comment, press kisses to his hips and make him even later. Now, though, Even has to turn away and pull on his own clothes.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks.”

They’re quiet for the next few minutes. Even counts down the seconds in his mind. He knows he shouldn’t be, he knows it’ll only make his anxiety worse. His stomach churns in protest, as if it’s making a point, but Even ignores it as he shrugs on his hoodie. As of right now, he can hear Isak humming behind him, and that’s enough. They can’t live day by day, they don’t have enough time, but they can still live minute by minute. They still have that, if nothing else.

While Even brushes his teeth, Isak eats breakfast. Even can hear him swear about they never have enough coffee, and he hears him whisper a promise to himself to buy more, and Even collapses. He sinks to his knees on the bathroom floor, toothpaste dribbling from his mouth still, and he cries until he gags. Isak doesn’t hear him, and Even thinks about how he’ll be doing this alone for a long time now, if not for the rest of his life.

They walk downstairs holding hands. Even knows his fingers are shaking, can feel how clammy his palms are. He knows Isak notices too. But his boyfriend doesn’t say anything, just continues humming the same song to himself as he skips down the stairs, offering Even small smiles and giggles as he bounds ahead. Their hands never separate.

When Even sits down in the passenger seat, he has to take a moment to breathe. He needs to be okay, for Isak. He needs to do this for Isak, this one last thing. He can’t save him no matter how hard he tries, so if nothing else, he wants to make it easy. He wants to make it okay, in any way he can.

He doesn’t understand, though. He doesn’t understand why Isak only has 32 minutes and Even has god knows how much longer. He doesn’t know why Isak has 32 minutes and Isak’s dad still has 40 years. He doesn’t know why Isak has 32 minutes and Jonas still has 66 years. He doesn’t know why anyone has to die young, before they’re ready. Before Even is ready to stop loving him. He doesn’t understand why Isak only has, now, 31 minutes when he deserves so much longer. When he deserves forever.

He shifts into gear and pulls onto the road.

They stop at KB. Isak runs in and gets two to-go coffees, handing Even’s over with a gentle peck to Even’s lips. They sit and listen to music, just to waste a little bit of time. They listen to Nas, because it’s the music that brought them together, and Even cries for the third time that morning. His sunglasses conceal it all.

When they leave for school, Even starts to wonder how. Will Isak be in pain? Will he know he’s dying before he actually does? Will he be alive for agonizing moments, or minutes, waiting and maybe even praying for death to cure it? Will it be fast, instantaneous? Will Isak go peacefully, maybe even with a smile still on his face? Will his eyes be closed? Will his eyes be open? Will—

“Even!” Isak yells, and Even comes back to himself, and sees a car about to run into them head on. He jerks back into his lane, heart pounding in his chest. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck were you thinking so hard about?”

“Nothing, I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been so fucking weird all morning. What’re you thinking about?” His voice is softer this time, as he reaches his hand over to lace with Even’s, and Even has to physically tense to stop a sob from ripping out of his throat.

He shakes his head. “I’m not thinking about anything, baby. Just tired. It’s...one of those days.” It’s way more than just one of those days, but he has to lie for the greater good. He doesn’t want to see the devastation on Isak’s face when he realizes, when it finally hits him that their moments are so, so much more limited than what he’d thought.

Even thinks Isak would hate him for it. For falling in love when Even knows, and always has known, that Isak would die at 18 years old. He’d be mad that Even put himself through this, that Even was getting hurt, and especially that Isak could do nothing to stop it, and wouldn’t be there to kiss him better afterward. He doesn’t want Isak to hate him.

“Promise me we’ll be together forever,” he murmurs, white-knuckle grip on the steering wheel getting tighter. “Please.” He needs to hear Isak say it one more time. Just one more time.

“What?” Isak asks, running his thumb along Even’s knuckles.

“Isak, please, just say it. I need you to say it.”

“Even, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Please!” Even sobs, getting more hysterical by the moment. He can practically hear the clock ticking in his head.

Isak pulls his hand away. “Even, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on, okay, I can fix it, I can make it better, but not if you don’t tell me,” he coaxes. Even hears the click of his seatbelt as he moves to wrap an arm around Even’s neck, pressing his nose into Even’s cheek. In the moment, the danger doesn’t process in Even’s mind.

“Isak, please! Just say it!” He yells, and when he turns to look at Isak, the clock reads 0 Years, 0 Months, 0 Days, 0 Minutes, 2 Seconds.

“Of course we will, I love you!” Isak yells right back, and then Even doesn’t hear anything except for breaking glass and the squealing of tires and a loud, super fucking loud, ringing noise directly in his ears.

He can feel the car moving, spinning and rolling and hitting everything, for what feels like hours but is probably just mere seconds. It’s the first time all day that time has slowed down instead of sped up, and Even can’t breathe under the weight of it.

When he next opens his eyes, it’s to a shattered windshield, a fucked up car, a public bus in front of them, and blood on the steering wheel from where he’d hit it. His whole body aches and stings, and it hurts just to take a breath, but he then he remembers.

He turns to see Isak, slumped against the passenger door, bleeding from under his snapback. All of his numbers are at a firm zero, and Even can’t hold it back anymore. He cries despite how horribly it hurts his chest, he moves to take Isak’s hand despite his positivity about having a hurt wrist, and he presses his lips to Isak’s hand. It’s still warm, and there’s a bloody lip print left behind.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back, as the sound of police and ambulance silence fills the air. “I love you so much.”

Later on, when he’s in the ambulance, shock blanket draped around his shoulders, he can hear the radio playing from some café across the street. He recognizes the tune as the song Isak had been humming all morning.

_I Just Died In Your Arms by the Cutting Crew._

Isak had known all along.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell @ me for this on tumblr @femmevilde


End file.
